Prose has never been my strongest suits, yet the urge to explain the fascinating transformation i underwent in the previous few days yielded its way across to a non rhyming form of expression. What I really want to share are the three stages leading to comfortable numbness. The script is highly recommended for people who out of nowhere start feeling “Human” and have never been comfortable with this feeling. People who actually suffer from the pain and torment of losing their homes and family members in unjust brutal wars may not find it very useful.
PHASE I-THE PAIN
Once the news of Palestine massacre started pouring in, a feeling of shock consumed me. Thoughts like, how can this happen again? Why someone is not putting an end to it? This total mismatch of a conflict cannot last in a civilized world, quizzed my head. A feeling of sheer pain engulfed me, in spite of the fact that I in person was not hurt, nor were any of my family members or any of the people I had ever come across in my entire life. Perplexed, i searched for a reason to justify and understand what I felt and why I felt it. Deep thought narrowed it down to” HUMANITY”. A surprising revelation, as i had always thought that the last bit of human in me had been lulled to sleep ages ago in this times of disinformation, deceit and carnage.
PHASE II -THE FRUSTRATION
Social media had Palestinian suffering and the Israeli atrocities plastered all over it. The concerned status updates, the pictures of the innocent children stifling under the rubble, videos of lamenting mothers every thing took its tool on me. I wanted to do something to find peace, i looked for a let out, a vent and choose the easiest and probably the only way available to me. I started hoisting and sharing pictures, updating emotional statuses, reading blogs, watching news. Yet this gave my no relief, maybe a momentary sense of achievement, yes, but peace evaded me . The pain was unending as the the killing got far worse, the gruesome pictures kept getting posted and the unbearable video’s streamed on continuously. The pain I felt gradually transgressed to the feeling of frustration. Frustration at my inability to change anything, frustration at the disregard of human life, frustration at silence of international organizations and main stream media and most of all frustration at the non humanness of other humans.Growing up in a third world country, frustration definitely was a feeling i was well acquainted with.
PHASE III-THE COMFORTABLE NUMBNESS
As the news of death and destruction continued, my helplessness forced me to avoid the subject. There were reasons to it. Primarily the gory images were not giving me the best bed time thoughts. You have to agree they were depressing, weren’t they?. Secondly, my heroics of trying to bring a change through social media was not taking me anywhere , my occasional attempt yielded lesser ‘likes’ and fewer ‘comments’. I slowly started talking about fun issues like politics, corruption, sports and power cuts at least they never lost their charm. Thirdly , Who was I kidding? We have so much evil here in our surrounding, Why do I even need to worry about the mess miles away. Finally and worse of all, I found reasons why this was happening to the Palestinian’s, Hamas was most definitely one, the dangerous rockets another, the lack of education and yes the absence of political will (Were these guys sleeping when Israel was carved in the middle of their lands).Probably it was their own fault.
Having gone through this gradual transformation I sleep much better now. No, No I’m not numb at all, I am just logical.